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About Deviant Artist RAAAARGHFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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Literature
Underworld Parody
Underworld – The Eternal War.
[The camera pans in on Selene, perched like a leather clad spectre atop an ancient Budapest Cathedral. The rain flies sideways into her, while her long coat flaps in the wind. Selene begins the first voiceover.]
Selene: "The war had all but ground to a halt in the blink of an eye. *flap flap* Lucian, the most feared and ruthless leader of the Lycan clan, had finally been killed. (Actually, he hadn't, but shhhh…it's a secret.) The Lycan horde, scattered to the wind, in a single night of flame and retribution. (Hey, shit happens.) Victory, it seemed, was in our grasp. *flap* The very birthright of the vampires. Nearly six centuries had passed since that night. ('What night?' I hear you say. I'm getting there, I'm getting there. Fact is, we haven't had a shootout for half a minute now, and I'm getting twitchy. You'll find out.) Yet the ancient blood-feud proved unwilling to follow Lucian into the grave. (You see that? You see wh
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Literature
I'm Coming Home Now
I always wanted to know who that old man was calling.
I work in Northamptonshire Library. Pretty boring job. Steady, but boring. Check in a book here, check out a book there, order a child to desist the locomotion of their maxillo (I love the blank stares I get with that one) there, but at least it pays the rent. At least, it was dull, until my boss came to me and said “Let this man use the phone.”
He gestured towards a small, elderly fellow standing beside him. Nothing seemed offensive about him at the time. In fact, he kind of reminded me of that old man from Toy Story 2. You know, the one who repaired the toys? That kind of old man. Tiny, hunched, grey haired, wrinkled, big-nosed, and kind of cartoony looking. Almost cute, in a geriatric kind of way.
“Let him use it whenever he wants.” Said my boss. I simply nodded in confusion. The old man picked up the phone. As he tapped in a few numbers with his gnarled fingers, I watched, too puzzled by this strange turn of
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Literature
My 23rd Birthday
It was my 23rd birthday and, having missed them for a while, I decided to spend the day with my parents. We’d just had a fantastic day out in Shaldon. Spent a while on the beach, went to a museum, sat in quaint little cafes, got some obligatory rock. I sat in the back of the car, enjoying that feeling of tired contentment you get when you’ve just had a really good day. But now the rain was really heavy, and it made it hard to see out of the windows. The darkness didn’t help. Almost dozing off, I listened to my parents chatting in the front of the car.
“As soon as I brought out the needle, he passed out. I thought of doing the filling right there and then and save him the pain, and the anaesthetic too, but if I got caught I’d be in hell of a lot of trouble..”
I drifted in and out. My Dad is a dentist. He and Mum are so different. Mum works part-time as an estate agent, and she’s always been tougher than my Dad. Dad is kind of insecure. I think it’
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Literature
The Baby Statue
A few days ago, my Mum bought something incredibly horrifyingly incorrigibly creepy. So creepy, in fact, that I decided that it needed to be chronicled. Lookit. Say it with me now, one, two, three, Aaaaaaarrgghh!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v697/The_Raevyn/Blog%20pictures/BabyFigure1.jpg
I don’t know about you, dear reader, but my initial thought was ‘Oh my god kill it with fire!!’
Gah. Just gah. Am I the only one scared halfway to death by this thing? Look at its eyes! What’s wrong with its eyes? Why does it have no trousers? Where are the trousers? No really, I’m serious, just...just...why? Why? Why make a creepy little baby out of ceramics with no trousers but adult hands?? Is this designed to be given to children? Or adults? Oh so much confusion, so little time! Every time I look at this thing I feel wrong. Like something’s gone wrong in the pit of my stomach.
Early this morning, I found out just why.
Two days ago, Mum came home and deposited tha
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Literature
Raevyn Reviews - Enchanted
Enchanted - The most offensive Disney film since..that black centaur in Fantasia?
Father and daughter in car. Father hands daughter a birthday present. Is book.
Child: “What the crap is this?”
Father: “It’s a book. A book about great women of the past. Female military leaders, great female thinkers, writers, philosophers, inventors, activists, martyrs, etc.”
Child: “Don’t be stupid. Women don’t exist outside of a castle and they don’t do anything outside of waiting for their prince to come along and rescue them from their horrible and intolerable middle class life.”
Father: “I know that’s both an easy and logical misconception to make, but I swear it’s not true. Women do all kinds of things. They work, they change the world, and sometimes they even have original thoughts.”
Child: *sneer.*
Father: “Really! There used to be these women, these incredible women who risked their lives just for the right to sug
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Literature
My Mother vs Technology part 4
Setting: There are two windows on the taskbar. Mum has computer. Will not relinquish. I need her to open the second window.
Me: "Right, you need to open the second window."
Mum: "Where is that?"
Me: It's in the taskbar."
Mum "Stop talking gobbledegook!!"
Me: "Okay. You see the blue bar at the bottom."
Mum: "No."
Me: "Look at the very bottom of the screen. That big blue line."
Mum: "Yes."
Me: "The second window is in that."
Mum: "I can't see it."
Me: "It's the second blue rectangle."
Mum: "Where?"
Me: "Okay. You see the green box on the left."
Mum: "No."
Me: "Look at the very bottom left of the moni - screen. There is a blue square with the word 'start' written in it. Do you see it."
Mum: "Yes."
Me: "Now. You see the dark blue rectangle, directly to the right of that."
Mum: "Yes."
Me: "Now, you see the blue rectangle directly to the right of that first blue rectangle. It's a slightly paler blue."
Mum: "Yes."
Me: "Click it."
*clicks*
Mum: (scream) "You've knocked out my page!!!"
Me: "It'
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Literature
I just wanted to know her
I am not The Raevyn. Keeping in tone with her deviantart account, which I found it open on her computer, I will tell you a story.
I have been watching her for a long time. Liking everything about her, her clothes, her walk, her face, her figure, her voice, and her intellect, I decided to stalk her. Loving everything about her even more with every second I spent hiding in a bush, following her in my car, watching her through her window, taking photographs. Eventually every waking thought of mine became obsessed with this girl. Deciding that I wanted to meet her at last, we had a little accident.
To be honest, it could have been avoided. Hell, I didn't mean to hit her that hard. Evidently I am stronger than I think I am. Really, it was just a little tap. Although, you wouldn't think it to look at her now, lying so still. Eventually the blood stopped flowing, it's not coming out anymore. Very good. Yes, she looks at peace now.
Now at last, you can see how gloriously mad I really am
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Literature
Helen Jekyll and Eva Hyde
This was written for a creative project for my Film and Literature course whie studying English Literature in my third year at University. Between work, it took me about four months to complete.
I have created a modern, feminist rewrite of Robert Loius Stevenson's famous take 'The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde'. In the same manner that Helen Fielding took 'Pride and Prejudice' and turned it into a modern rewrite a la 'Bridget Jones Diary' so have I taken an old tale and modernised it and based it around two female characters, instead. It takes the form of a short diary, written by the modern student Helen Jekyll. The normal font represents the mind of Jekyll. The bold font represents the mind of Hyde.
It is full of references to other texts, films, philosophy, music, and aspects of culture. I have explained what these are in the description below, whether you would like to read them before or after is up to you!
Finally, this text includes several illustrations importan
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Literature
My Mother vs Technology part 3
Today my mother came to me for help. She had been sent a website in the post and wanted to know how to make it appear on the computer.
Me: "You just need to type it into the box." (here I thought my work was complete and turned back to my book. Oh foolish Raevyn, when will you learn)
Mum: "What, the whole thing?"
Me: "Yes."
Mum: "But it’s huge!"
Me: "I am afraid this is the only way."
Mum: *sigh* *taptaptaptaptaptap*
(pause)
Mum: "There’s only a big list of blue lines. Do I press the first one?"
Me: "Huh?” *looks* (turns out Mum had typed the address into the Sky search engine.) “No Mum. I meant that big box at the top left of the screen. You need to type it in there."
Mum: "All of it?"
Me: "Yes."
Mum: "Again?"
Me: "Yes."
Mum: *bigger sigh* *taptaptaptaptaptap*
(pause)
Mum: "The big blue list has come up again! And it says domain not found!"
Me: "..huh?" *goes to look* (Mum has typed it into the Google searchbar at the top right of the screen)
(pause)
Me: "Uh, Mum?
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Literature
My Mother vs Technology part 2
I hate it when people who know nothing about computers or internet culture speak about computers or internet culture. When I rule the world, there are several people on TV who I am going to feed to my crocodiles.
Has anyone seen the show 'The Sarah Connor Chronicles'? For anyone out there who has a black hole where their Science Fiction knowledge should be, it is part of the Terminator franchise. And it's actually really very good. However, one of the screenwriters is on my crocodile list, for the crime of heinously misrepresenting both the internet and the 'yoof' culture.
What is even more confusing, is the fact that I am 99% sure that the majority of the crew of The Sarah Connor chronicles are nerds. And those that aren't nerds are instead hardcore nerds. And nerds like the internet. So how is it possible for a show created and broadcast by nerds to make such a grievious error?
Oh right, the error. Well, picture this. A eight year old boy is sitting at a TV, playing an RPG on what is
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Literature
My Mother vs Technology part 1
Warning – Epic prolonged rant is imminent. If you are of a nervous desposition, please redirect your browsing for this evening now.
I cannot hold this in any longer. I am on the verge of imploding. Now, I seldom reveal personal details about any of my family members on my blog, but my patience has now been beaten senseless and I need a good vent.
My Mother. And computers. Are not. A good mix.
It’s okay that she thinks that downloading and uploading are the same thing.
It’s okay that she doesn’t know there’s a difference between hardware and software. (“This software feels hot!”)
It’s okay that she thinks that 1000 bytes is “a lot of memory.”
It’s okay that she is unable to check her emails unless I locate the website, sign her in, and open the inbox for her.
It’s okay that she tries to plug the keyboard she bought in 1985 into the laptop she bought in 2005.
It’s okay that she thinks that touchpad size is correlated with t
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Literature
Apostrophes - Rant
!!'''''''''!#@$;(!!!!
It has been brought to my attention that there are several more people in the world who need to be fed to my crocodiles.* I am about to produce pictorial evidence which I will use to justify my actions when I force-feed the perpetrators to my reptiles. ** Today, I bring three defendants to trial. The crime? Apostrosoddingphes. Apostrophes, and grievous crimes against grammar and good English.
''''''''''!!!!
I am a stickler; a word popularised by the book 'Eats Shoots & Leaves 'by Lynne Truss. Whenever I see a spelling mistake or an abuse of grammar printed out in an official place, I start to levitate from rage. Well not really, but I do go a funny colour.
Without further ado, I present the three defendants to the court.
Defendant # 1 - A sign in a café located at my University. I beheld it, blinked a bit in surprise, then promptly stole it and ran off with it under my coat. For crimes against grammar, you understand.
Crime – Apostrosoddingphes.
E
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Literature
Christmas - Rant
Xmas is the single most protracted and undesirable time of the year. Nowadays, Xmas begins mid October and doesn’t finish until at least February. I can remember the days when Xmas started a week before the 25th, and then was long forgotton about by the time New Year came along. (Actually, I can’t - I’m not that old. But I know that those days must have existed once.)
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be foolish enough to offer to do the entire family’s wrapping for them. Such a rare act of martyrdom doesn’t happen in many places, so naturally, my family seizes upon the chance to have someone else complete the arduous task of enveloping various trinkets in vibrant, gaudy wrapping paper and binding them with clear strips of plastic. I, in the past, have wrapped my own presents. That was interesting. This year, however, when I was asked to wrap a gift that was, in fact, for me, I refused. Partially because I had spent hours the night before wrap
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Literature
Love Poetry. Runaway runawaayy
I know that we’re no longer close
But there’s something you should know
You touched my heart in so many ways
Though I could never let it show
I know that I’m not worth your time
I can see it when we talk
But, girl, you just don’t understand
How much it hurts to see you walk
I know that we don’t hang out as much
But you really need to see
My world is gone, it’s fallen to pieces
Without you next to me
I spent so many months without you
I had to go my own way
But when I tried to walk alone
I'd break down and cry each day
I learned to close my heart away
And lock it up so tight
I learned to keep it from your kind
Who wouldn’t treat it right
We started talking just last month
And my happiness fell apart
I learned that you were over me
And that you’d never want my heart.
For if this can never be, I will confess I must profess
I can no longer see, why I must stay a part of this
This world that I am bound to, by beating heart broken apart
But no desire t
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Literature
Jekyll and Hyde - Final Battle
Little do many people know, that as the doomed Henry Jekyll took his own life, he embarked on a momentous textual battle with his counterpart, Edward Hyde. It appears that shortly after he took the poison that would end his life, while in the midst of his death throes he succeeded in grasping pen and paper and the erratic scribbling that is about to follow depicts his final battle with his dark side.
Regular text represents Henry Jekyll. Bold text represents Edward Hyde.
I’m here to stay I am you you’re not me I am you and I’m here to stay forever forever and a day that’s forever I’ll take you with me you can’t hide I won’t let you go
I can fool the world It’s me she can’t deny
As her psyche unfurls This will be her last goodbye
Deep in your mind I reside You said you were fine, you lied, you lied

I’ve tried and I’ve tried But Edward won’t leave and Jekyll can’t Hyde
A person is made of one,
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Literature
The English Language - Rant
I have some important questions.
So on the human body, there's the bicep, the tricep, and even the quadracep. But unfortunately this then raises one question of the upmost importance: WHERE IS THE UNICEP?! HUH?
One day, we, as a species, will wake up, realise that we don't have Uniceps, and run around screaming. Mark my words.
And why on earth is there an 's' in the word 'lisp'? That is utterly, utterly, cruel. Not being able to pronouce the very thing you have. In fact, anyone who says the sentence "I have a lisp." to you, is instantly a liar. Hum. Whoever decided that that word should be applied to that affliction did it quite in purpose, I know it.
It's like the word dyslexia being too damned hard to spell, even for someone who does not suffer from it. Somewhere, out there, there is a cruel cruel person who thought to themselves 'AHA! I shall give the disorder that afflicts people with inaccurate spelling, a really really difficult to spell name! I rule!'
Did you know, that the same
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deviantID

TheLostRaevyn
RAAAARGH
Artist
United Kingdom
I rant profusely. I draw things, I sleep at inappropriate times, I read things, and insult cats. I wear a hat, pay no attention to anything resembling an intelligent plot, obsess over werewolves, drink tea, and refuse to get a haircut. My heroes are Anton LaVey, Stan Winston, and Edgar Allan Poe. That's all there is to know about me.

If ever you behold a short, skinny, dazed-looking goth with brown and black hair down to her arse with all manner of shiney things on her and through her complete with a perpetual in-built scowl who seems to have wandered to her current location purely by accident, you're probably looking at me.

Probably.

My art. :icontheraevyn13:

Current Residence: On the pallid bust of pallas above the chamber door
Favourite genre of music: Metal metal metal
Favourite style of art: Scary As Fuck
Operating System: Scalpel
MP3 player of choice: Whatever provides the BAAAASSS
Shell of choice: Turtle
Skin of choice: Pale, with a few scars
Personal Quote: "GROOWWWR."
Interests
  • Listening to: Social gathering downstairs which I'm hiding from
  • Reading: Brent Weeks
  • Watching: Nothing, I left my DVDs behind
  • Playing: Nothing, I left my computer games behind
  • Eating: Stopping today
  • Drinking: Often
I was walking through the supermarket and I ambled across the pet food section. I went past the cat food, and stopped in my tracks. I read what was written across all the 'Felix' tins, and on them, were written things like

'Rabbit and liver' 'Salmon and hack' 'Turkey and pheasant'

And I was like

This fucking cat eats better than I do

I don't even know what hack is

But I do know that I want rabbit

And liver

I'm gonna get catfood for dinner

In other news I got fucking depression again

Comments


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:icontheblindcerberus:
theblindcerberus Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2009
I want that collar of yours *stares at it madly*
Reply
:iconthelostraevyn:
TheLostRaevyn Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2009
It's just a studded one, I'm sure you could get it in any goth shop or ebay. Go, seek! Lo!
Reply
:icontheblindcerberus:
theblindcerberus Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2009
Lol I know XDD

They usually have them...somewheres...XD
Reply
:icontheraevyn13:
TheRaevyn13 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2009
Say, you look familiar
Reply
:iconthelostraevyn:
TheLostRaevyn Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2009
Say, you look familiar
Reply
:iconmummsywummsy:
MummsyWummsy Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2009
Welcome to D.A:wave:
Reply
:iconthelostraevyn:
TheLostRaevyn Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2009
Why thankees!
Reply
:iconmummsywummsy:
MummsyWummsy Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2009
My pleasure:)
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